victorbychance | OOC: Luceti Appointments

A demonstration of power.

Just like all the games we've ever played.

[They've been about hunger. About death. About paying for crimes committed long ago in the past.

But there's no mistaking the fight for dominance. For power. Between the Capitol over the Districts. Between tributes in any given Game. Between Snow and Coin for the fate of Panem. The power can hold. She learned that lesson too late.]

Just like our whole lives before our names were ever drawn. And look--no one was hurt. No one was killed. It was scary afterwards, but we're okay. You and me. We're here, we're ourselves. Compared to what we've been through? That's a prank.

[He might be right. They aren't fighting to the death here. There are no Peacekeepers. No struggle to quench hunger. But he hasn't lived through it yet. His hijacking.

She shifts in his arms, trying to sit. Needing to look steadily at him.]

How can you be so calm after everything I just told you? It wasn't a prank. It was a hijacking!

I'm not calm. [Always the difference between being okay and being strong for her. Now, he can't act upset because it would upset her more which would upset him more...] I'm so scared I'm afraid to leave this room. But Katniss...I have to believe this place is better than what's waiting for me. [For the first time since he's arrived, tears mist his eyes.] I can't just...wait in dread. If this place isn't better, somehow, then there's no point. Nothing to live for. If all my future has to it is being turned into something I'm not, and being used against you? I'd rather not have one.

[She's his whole world. He had told her that much on the beach in the Quarter Quell. Words he hasn't spoken yet. Words she never allowed herself to forget. She can't have him talking about not wanting a future. Just like she couldn't bare to listen to him talk about how he'd die for her in that arena. She needs him too much. It would break her more to lose him than any hijacking every would.

Gently, she cups his cheek. Places her thumb to wipe away any tears that might fall. Even with Gale, it was never easy to be this vulnerable.]

I'm scared, too.

Edited 2012-06-09 04:04 (UTC)

[Has she never realized she's a survivor? That she, of anyone, has the least reason to be scared? A tear trickles down one temple and is caught by her thumb.]

Do you understand, then? I don't want to go back. Not to that. It's worse than dying.

[Surviving is the only thing she can do right. And even then, it's at what expense? That she'd really become so callous as to pick the boy she couldn't survive without?

She shakes her head.]

You get better.

[She thinks he does. There was that game. Real or not real. It had seemed to help back in the camp. He had had his time with Doctor Aurelius. They had begun to talk, almost normally, before she was pulled here.]

[A slight growl creeps into his voice.]

It's not like I have a choice, Katniss. Let me have this moment, okay? Nothing's really wrong yet. I'm me and you're you and everything that's going to happen beyond that doesn't matter. Don't even think about the Malnosso. Just you and me, and for now, we're okay.

[I'm me and you're you. He makes it sound so simple. As if that's all it ever really needs to be. The girl on fire and the boy with the bread. The star-crossed lovers from District 12. They don't need to play that role here. There are no sponsors to appeal to. No people to impress.

It's not what he's asking, either. He's just asking for comfort, isn't he? That comfort they had given each other on the victory tour. Throughout the Quarter Quell. It was meant for no one but themselves. But, still, the star-crossed lovers are the first thing that comes to mind.

There's nothing to stop the glimmer of fear that crosses her face. She looks down at the scars, still so visible on her arms.] I'm not the girl you remember.

No. [But he doesn't let go, or even loosen his hold.] But you're Katniss. Maybe there's more to you than I remember, but you're still you.

[And once again, he makes it sound so simple. He hadn't seen the Mockingjay. Hadn't seen the fire mutt that killed in cold blood.

It's not so easy for her.] How do you know?

Because you can't be anyone else. However you've changed, you're still you. And you're still more important to me than anything.

[So, so simple. Life can go on for him. It can always go one for him, no the losses. No matter how bad everything's been before.

She doesn't deserve him. This. But she's selfish enough to accept it. She tightens her grip on him.] I don't want you to leave.

[He relaxes in her arms then. No more arguing about what's best for him. Finally, she understands that going home is the worst thing that can happen to him right now.]

I love you. The real me could never stop loving you, okay?

[She knows that. If his words were to believed once, he's loved her since their first day of school. But knowing that and hearing it aloud. It's not the same thing. Not at all. Especially after long resigning herself to accepting that Peeta might never love her again.

She stills in his arms. Freezes like any prey caught in sight of her arrow. Her heart thumps loudly in her chest. But she can barely leave, let alone speak.]

[He hesitates.]

Sorry.

[Not for loving her, or even for saying it. For saying it when she's not ready. For not perceiving that she's not ready.]

[She feels the guilt as soon as he says the word. As soon as he apologizes for something he should never have to apologize for.

But how can she explain that her emotions have been manipulated for so long? For the past two years, most of what she let herself feel had been at the urging or advice of someone else.]

I need to know what's real. [Explanation. She owes him that.] Learn what's real. I've been a piece in their games too long. I don't know anymore.

Well, that's real. [He twines a lock of her hair around his fingers.] Apparently it's more real than anything they did to me, because I still stopped you.

[From the corner of her eye, she glances down at the hand entwined in her hair. Real. What he feels for her is real. But what about anything she might feel towards him?

That's what she doesn't know.]

Can you sleep down here tonight?

[He doesn't say anything. He merely nods, holding her closer.

It's okay, Katniss. He's always waited for you. He can wait longer.]

[Maybe someday she'll know. She'll know whether she picks someone because she needs them to survive or because she truly wants to love. She hopes so. Now that there are no more Games, now that life might be different in Panem, she thinks it might be something she wants.

But for now, she's content with being in Peeta's arms. Content in knowing that when she falls asleep tonight, she'll be back in his arms again. Kept safe. Comforted if the nightmares come again.

She reaches for the blanket and pulls it up over their legs. Eyes close as she snuggles against his chest.] Gonna go back to sleep now.

I'll be here.

[And, if he goes to sleep as well, he can't be blamed. It would be the first good sleep he's had since he arrived]

OOC: Luceti Appointments

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