That's what I mean, though.

[Amelia frowns on her end of the journal as she tries to put together the words.]

Where I'm from, my situation, I didn't have a choice. I was going to be able to take care of myself, or I was going to die. [Or worse.] Day-dreaming about what could've been if things had been different--

[No. That's not quite it.]

Doing anything besides taking care of myself could've gotten me killed. So I didn't think about things like that. Now it just doesn't feel like I can.